My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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