No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
