You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
