Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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