Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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