i think my tv is drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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