you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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