I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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