Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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