Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
