my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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