It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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