i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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