this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
