his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My bed smells like the plague
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
