I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
