See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
