Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
