I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
