she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
