You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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