i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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