i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
