Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
