census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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