The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
