Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Two words: blizzard sex
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
