Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
