Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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