Porn is love you can see.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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