i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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