He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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