I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Who died my cat blue again?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
