"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
