so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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