someone threw a dead crab at me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
