Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
