I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
