i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
