you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
