saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
BRING THE BAGELS
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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