So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am spending my child support on dildos
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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