yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
