you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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