so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
