yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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