i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
