he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
