I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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