I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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