I cannot find my penis.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
