Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
