I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
