Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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