i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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