ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
