and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
